RE: Black women Unmarried

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJGMAhWpDF8

PLEASE WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO BEFORE READING ON AND OR COMMENTING:

Okay! This is a really serious topic to a lot of women I have talked to and gotten to know recently, also it is something that I have taken notice of in my own observations as far as relationships I have been in and one's I have witnessed.

I believe this to be a True fact in the black community. There are a lot of single people and there are a minimal amount of eligible men who can suit these upstanding black women. Now fellas I am not taking a shot at you at all, it's just the fact. Most black men are either in jail, have no degree, and or just don't know how to treat a woman. Now women to be in the defense of my fellow men, there are plenty of us out here who will take care of you better than your mother or father ever would. He just may not be such a baller at first sight. You have to peal back the layers of the black man and get to know him.

Most women believe they can do this at first sight which in most cases they can but there are a select group of men who are the "diamond in the rough" type. This simply means that he has not found that drive due to any of a million reasons. To give a few examples it could have been an issue with up-bringing, a past relationship, or even he could just have made some bad moves in his past or even recently.

There should always be interaction before you can judge a man's way of life and motivation. If you are an upstanding black woman you may not always find that man in your life that can be at your level right away BUT there is always room for improvement. I think with all the movies made on the very subject women should know that this is an advantage for you. You take a man who is "rough around the edges" and change him and he will never leave. (in most cases) You can't hold the bar so high that Jesus himself is the only man who could live up to it. Sometimes you have to make a situation better before it's a great vision.

It's like if you are house hunting and you buy a shack and turn it into a mansion you will love that home so much more with all the hard work you put in.

Just be willing to try and make something from what looks like nothing. It's not going to kill you to just be easygoing and relax on the whole "STANDARDS" thing you have going.

Fellas:

The reason behind the way girls are these days is solely our fault as far as the way women think about relationships. If there were more men who knew what women wanted from the jump things would be so much easier.

I think after all the wrong doing women go through we are the reason they are gay, salty, or even actin like guys as far as the way they approach a relationship.

I am going to start another blog for the gentleman's touch soon.....

In closing I think there are too many people in this country for there to be no one for some people. Sometimes you have to drop that pride and be the woman to ask a man for his number. Being black is a strike against you anyway.

From a woman's perspective I think black women are stereotyped to be more aggresive, louder, more bitchy, and all out drama. In some cases this is true and others not but overall this is what most people think from the jump including black guys. Like I said it could be upbringing, past relationships, or just something they have seen through friends.

As far as men go we have the stereotype of the player, thug, "big kid", and historically un-successful, and when we get successful we blow it on big chains, big cars, and clubbing.

These are things we have to fight off as a race but until the mask is removed no one will see you as anything else. So be willing to make the first move and show that other person who you are as a man or woman.

Troy R....

New Year

Happy Wednesday night! We half way through the week!

I was thinking about how fast the year has come and gone already! It's almost Thanksgiving! Wow!
So that being said I know there are some of us who have been having a rough 09' and probably are just like "I am ready for 2010 to be here". I can only say this. It's almost over and a new year is going to be here soon but make the best out of what you have left. No time is bad time. Make the best out of what you have in your hands and learn what you can from your experiences. Things find a way to get better and only time will tell what will come of it.

I have 1 or 2 friends that are pretty close to me who are confused about their relationships and what will come out of it by next year. So want to hear wedding bells and some want out! To the one's who want I can only advise you to be patient and make sure that is what you want and if that is something you have already done don't be scared to make an exit. It's always hard to leave a comfortable situation even if it's a bad one BUT it is normally what is needed even if it's for a moment or a few weeks just to clear your head and re-evaluate things. I like to call that a timeout for all my laker fans =)

For those who want to hear wedding bells I can tell you from a man's perspective you have to wait and let the man propose. Normally a man will make you wait and wait and make the surprise that much sweeter but when he is pushed into it the surprise get's killed in a sense. Just let it happen as it should and will. Don't force anything because you might not like what you get from a forced situation. There is always a possibility to be sooo happy until it happens then you feel silly and or stuck.

On the flip side of that some men need a little motivation in which I normally deal with in a case to case format. So if you fall into that category or just have a general question shoot me an e mail and I will gladly respond. =)

Happy New Year in advance

Make the best of this one with what is left and swing positive energy and actions into the new one to get a great start.

Troy R.

Confidence vs Insecurity

Happy Wednesday All,

Last weekend was a huge disaster for relationships around me and as I was helping some friends and family get through their problems I was forced to think about why this was all happening over the same weekend. At first I thought it was a small personal confirmation of the "2012 disaster to come" lol but the real me thought deeper. I began to study the behavior of each person on both sides of the relationship and what the major issue was.....all of a sudden I noticed it!

Confidence vs Insecurities

Everyone Insecurities but not everyone has so much confidence. My cousin was the first break up of the weekend so we will start there.

He is the flashy type and at a glance looks like the most confident person on this side of the universe. BUT! He recently told me he is very very under confident with himself and his ability in a relationship. He takes a lot of crap from his girl but at the end of the day he does his job pretty well. I also noticed that he and her play way too many games with each other to be the their age (24 and 26) and that makes the other side feel like he/she can't trust their partner. Next step in the negative process is the communication break down. HUGE FACTOR! Neither side ever reveals their true feelings and then the assumptions about what the others motive is changes each person's thought process. Finally with all the game playing and B.S on both sides of the table the break-up is inevitable and Nasty!

On his side he is under confident so he still wants to stay and "make it work" too late, too far gone, its a wrap.

THE SOLUTION:

1. Always make your sig other feel they are the #1 in your life hands down!
2. As crazy as it sounds, be "Willing" to get hurt. You can't carry luggage from the past or it will quickly turn to the finish line.
3. If you are feeling under confident, having a problem, trust issues, or just pissed the best thing to do is TALK!!! It's not hard and you will both benefit from it.
4. ARGUE! if you feel like you wanna argue then do it get it out and hug each other after =) (or just have make up sex, or both whatever works0 haha

Closing:

Always be confident and know what you are bringing to the table in a relationship. If you don't know ask your other. Also if you do land on someone who is trying to take from your confidence (swag) from you then leave! "Never waist time on a dead end job, dead end car, or a dead end relationship" -ME

later peoples hit me with any questions/concerns!

Live life and be YOU! If someone doesn't like it there are billions more that will I promise =)

LOVE

IT'S FRRRIIIDAY!!!!! (LIKE ON POWER 106) HAHA

Mannn its been a loooong week! Workwise and relationshipwise as well...

I been working a lot this week and I been seeing my woman a lot as well which I am happy about! But she has been sick =( She is doing ok but it was something pretty serious but she is cool now. YAAYYY (NO HOMO) haha.

N E who...I realized something else this week! I am her EVERYTHING 4 real! Like its one thing when you and your significant other and you have the cute little argument about who loves who more but when you know its an even match it's crazy!!! I feel so great about her! She said I gave her butterflies the other day and I was like woooow!!! After 6 monthes We still have that effect on each other! This is True Love!!! I can't believe it!!! She is my everything!!!

Ok! Now to make this not all about me....

I think that most people make the mistake of letting a good situation become a convience and only momentary. like they take advantage of it. Don't do this because it's just not a cool thing to do and as soon as you catch the backlash of it your gonna be HIT!!!
When you find someone who you can stick with and be with all the time thru the good and the bad stay! Its so hard to find now-a-days!

Men! Stop fuckin these girls over! We been fuckin them over for so long they starting to fuck us over! I know that shit sucks but I really believe we started this. So we can fix it but we gotta want to.

FOOTNOTE: I am on a mission to start a new blog for fellas only just to get feedback and suggest things about how to approach women, be good to them, and be true.

Women! I know you been fucked over but sorry now-a-days that comes with the territory sometimes. It happened to me as a man so I had to put up with it and now I have found an ANGEL! (she feels the same =) ) It is very possible but just study yourself and use the law of attaction to find the right man. If you dont know what the law of attraction is follow this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MmgECgZvpw&feature=related. Hang in there ladies and gentlemen!

Will smith breaks it down!

N e who Ima leave yall with that...Just don't every be scared to be you. Just go for it in all aspects. I learned it and I love the results!

Letting Go and GRABING HOLD

Just quick thoughts... I feel like what ever you need to say should be spoken. Its not always easy to do so ....because you wonder... (no matter where you are in your relationship) if you will be judged, left or will the relationship be different.

I can think of the most harsh things to say sometimes and my thoughts are filled with such anger and pain... so sometimes I have to give myself time to calm down and really look at what is going on and see how I can assess the situation. Sometimes I hate how much I am a thinker but I realize that my heart is also so great that I don't want to react from past pain.

Its like a battle inside ... one side filled with so much pain and anger (that lessons in time of course) but the other side... filled with so much love. I am not sure where my writing was taking me... but all in all ... with the last messages being about unconditional love... I see how important it is to say all that you want, and feel, BE YOU cuz if your partner doesnt like it you must deal with it NOW, compromise with their help... or the relationship will end.

I am releasing the person that tries to be someone else... I am Me... I'm not perfect, Im not fun to be around sometimes, sometimes I am cranky for no reason... but I am me.

I am holding on to my values and what I believe... and I am following what I think is right... in my heart.

PS. I love you TROY ellis Jr. :)
Thanks for all the love and support.

Hope I have encouraged someone...

Love Always,

Stace

Thursday THOUGHTS

Hi everyone,

I wanted to make my first post. Thanks Troy, love this space to share about relationships. A relationship can make you go through so many emotions. It's so amazing when you and your partner are in sync but when things go out of sync, my whole world can flip upside down.
I recently had a disagreement with my boyfriend and I learned that trust is the most important thing you can have in a relationship as well as communication and compromise.
The bottom line is to be honest with your feelings, exactly what hurts.
I really agree with unconditional love is the best gift you can give a person. Like the love between a parent and child. They may do something you disagree with but at the end of the day, you can still forgive them, because you love them. When you find that you and your partner share that unconditional love - you have found your match.

-Stefanie

THE SCHEDULE

I AM ANNOUNCING THE NEW SCHEDULE FOR THE BLOG IN ORDER TO MAKE POSTING A MORE FREQUENT THING FOR MYSELF AND THE MEMBERS.

MONDAYS WILL BE: LAST WEEKEND MONDAYS- Just give a tid bit about how your weekend was and what ya did.

TUESDAY WILL BE: TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS TUESDAYS- Pretty much self explanatory, just let us know something you may be fighting with yourself about and or your significant other.

WEDNESDAYS WILL BE: "WHAT IF WEDNESDAYS"- I and the members if they like will come up with a random question starting with "what if" and then others can post in response. Try and be detailed and creative. Please no 1 word posts lol.

THURSDAYS WILL BE: THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS- This is a day where you can post a thought about something you think you want to put out there be it advice, a question, and or whatever in that vicinity.

FRIDAYS WILL BE: OPEN FORUM FRIDAYS-You can post anything you want its totally up to you.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS AND OR QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS

THANKS AGAIN TO ALL OF YOU FOR TAKING PART IN THIS BLOG!!!!!!!!

SINCERELY

TROY R.

Never Letting It Get Old

Lately I have notice one or two of my close friends letting their relationships start to take a turn to "the norm". When I say the norm I mean the basic day to day things that don't really make a difference in a relationship but can make the relationship old FAST!!! lol. I think that this happens a lot in relationships especially now-a-days. Most people need something crazy to happen in order for that love to spark back up and get that first week of dating feeling back. I think there should be more time spent on surprises and small things done together to keep that rejuvenating feeling there. I have recently found that I as well was falling into "the Norm" aka "Auto-pilot". I then spent an evening with my lady and we were up all night listening to super old R&B and Jazz tracks from when we were kids and just reminiscing about past times and thinking about future ones together. She really liked that and I was so "wowed" because it was just so easy. Then last weekend we were going to go somewhere to show some friends who came in town a good time but we were super low on cash. Of course I was irritated and then here aunt took us to hollywood blvd and all we spent was 15 bucks for parking. It was a blast we did some window shopping, tried on some hats and took pics in them, and just walked around and made some future plans to visit some of the museums up there. It's amazing how the little things make the world go round. Dont ever take them for granted and never let the relationship hit auto pilot or you are risking death at the wheel....

Wanting Attention!!!

I am having some trouble detecting how much attention I want in a relationship and also how much I need. I know you shouldn't be so wrapped into someone that they don't have their own life but... How much is too much and how little is not enough?

I am begining to realize that I require a lot of attention and correct me if I am wrong... but I am trying to see who else feels this way. I think I do it in a healthy way also, cuz I dont want the kind of attention like "listen to me", "lets talk about me" "lets be all about me"... I just want the attention that ask for a small part of that persons day. To feel acknowleged, loved and cherished... and really just time with no interruptions to share with my love.

My boyfriend seems to be a lot more busy than me lately and finds the time to get his professional work done, work on his body, and his personal work and goals... I love that about him! I do think he should make the same amount of time and thought into how you can work on a relationship each day. I am not saying he doesnt do this either. I merely want advice on how I am being.
See I was talking to some girlfriends and its not to put him on the spot or accuse in any way... its just to admit that me and my guy and any relationship finds glitches in their communication ... we talked and I see how communication can change the whole situation.

Communication, just a simple acknowledgement or even "I am thinking about you"... "I'm going to do this now, but lets plan something for a later time", makes all the difference, it makes the other feel like you are in his thoughts. See... but assuming that the other person will be available when you are ... now that isnt so good. I think communication is really important in relationships and its not about just talking to someone but its the way you talk to them about a situation as well. Being gone all week and then saying that... well I had something secretly planned for us on Saturday, (as an example) is kind of insulting. Its like saying im going to be on my own do my own thing... and when i have time for you I am going to surprise you with that time... so dont be surprised if your significant other is not available Saturday. I think communication and planning would help to avoid those situations.

All in all, I guess what I have learned is communication, not taking others for granted and saying what is on your mind. Of course in a graceful kind of way... just be open to apologizing for what you said later.

I am looking for thoughts and advice and never deem myself as someone who knows whats going on. Am I the only one that requires attention? Do you think there are times in your life you want attention more than others? How to bounce back from that?

Settling Down

I recently came across a situation a young lady posted on twitter. Basically she started off by saying she is in a situation where she feels no man can be faithful and that she is on her own with her baby for the rest of her life. She has a daughter I am not sure how old she is but non the less I just wanted to touch base on the topic because it sparked my interest. She goes on to say how a man in her life proposed to her out of the blue. She was excited about the situation and all but she knew that she was not in love with this man and that she was still not totally ready to trust a man to be in her life and be totally true. On the flip side of it she feels this may be her last chance to have a family and that she should just settle down with him and hope she falls in love with him. Her grandmother did this with her grandfather and it worked. She is only 20 years old but she has been through some sticky situations with men and not to mention she has a kid.

My thoughts:

I feel that she is jumping the gun in a huge way here and that she should just be patient until a good man actually comes along and is mature enough to accept her for who she is in her situation and love her for who she is. People (men and women alike) feel that they have hit the end of the road and that whatever they can get is all there is instead of fighting for it or being patient. I believe strongly that there is someone for everyone. I totally understand what she is going through because I went through the same thing with my ex at about the same age as this young lady. I understand that you feel that you are stuck with this person and there may be no one else. I have grown to realize that is all not true. I have found someone in just a short year who is the greatest woman I have ever met in my entire life. I just waited through trial and error, mistakes, and hard times but I came out on top. Anything is possible and God has a plan for us all. Just sit tight and wait for your turn in the "blessing line" and right when you think your time is up someone will pop up and blow your mind. Just remember to be yourself and that person will love you for it. I promise. ;-)

WELCOME!

I am starting this Blog because I am a very relationship oreinted person. I have been in a lot of different predicaments when it comes to the topic, both good and bad. I just want to share my knowledge with whomever wants it and or is interested. I am 22 years old but I have an old soul. I have always been more mature than people around me even those older. I grew up pretty quick but I came out a great person from other people's and my own judgement. My mission is to start a wave that will change the dating game to the way it should be. Gentleman and Ladies acting the part. Nobody is perfect but there are ways to live as close as possible with your own ability. With that being said I welcome all to the blog and I want to extend a very grateful thanks to all who join. I look forward to talking to you.